Friday, March 16, 2012

fifty two on fridays | week eleven - urban

I'm wide awake. It's the middle of the night. I'm standin' in the dark; waiting up for the light . . . And here I'll remain 'til the sun is in the sky, standing in the dark waiting up for the light . . . There is love -  there is peace in this world, so take it back -- say it's not what you had thought. Grab a hold. Take these melodies. With your hands write a song to sing. Isn't such a bad, bad world, I say. These times are strange - I can feel it in the night. I'm standing in the dark, holding out for the light . . . . . . And here I'll remain 'til the great sun shines --- standing in the dark; waitin' up for the light.
- Guster, Bad, Bad World

Yesterday, Scott & I drove to San Francisco for the Guster concert. Let me tell you, I love this band. I discovered them in college & went to three of their concerts in the four years I lived in Utah. I hadn't seen them since. Now nine years later, Scott surprised me with tickets to see them again. They were good - - - really good. I'd forgotten what awesome artists & performers they were. 

I got nervous about taking my camera into the city (where I had originally planned to get shots for this week), so I had to rely on my phone for pictures. I'm kicking myself now for chickening out.

We had front row seats - it was such a blast!

And for fun - here are a couple pics from this last summer when we went to San Fran for the day.

Continue the circle by visiting Jodie.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

10 on 10 | march

march 2012 - i am strong enough

I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride lately. Towards the end of last month, I realized for the first time that I was suffering from postpartum depression. It took me by surprise since I didn't really feel all that sad, at least at first, & I had never experienced it before. I just didn't have much motivation to make or keep goals, & I didn't care. I was floating through life after Ruby was born, but I felt fairly happy. Honestly, having a second child wasn't nearly as hard as everyone made it out to be, & I enjoyed it a lot. But then my lack of motivation started to flow into too many areas of my life - I had no desire to exercise, I cleaned my home sparingly, I stopped spending quality time with my children & husband, I wasn't taking care of myself spiritually . . . . I soon began to feel like a failure in every aspect of my life. When these feelings came, I began to feel down, more & more each day. Then one day, I had the sudden realization that I was dealing with something far more serious than I had realized. I was depressed, extremely depressed, & I could hardly function. I was at a breaking point & wanted to just melt into non-existance. I called Scott at work & sobbed uncontrollably. I was a failure, & I was ashamed. I was desperate for help.

Scott was the amazing support that he has always been & took time off of work to help get me back on my feet again. We took a mini vacation to the beach to refresh my soul, & when we returned home, my mom came up to stay with me for a couple days to get me on track & help out. Admitting that I had a problem became a huge help in motivating me to take the necessary steps to get my life in order again. I set mini goals for myself each day, dragging my feet to get the simplest tasks done. It felt like I was physically wading through mud up to my thighs. But soon the tasks & goals became easier to accomplish. Within a matter of weeks, I felt transformed & much more like my normal self. I could feel the influence of God in my life again & didn't feel nearly as alone. Of course I still have difficult days, but now I know I can fight them & keep moving in the right direction to be the mother & wife I know I should be.

I am so grateful for this project & the opportunity it has given me to see the beauty in my everday life . . . to focus on finding special moments in the most mundane things. I struggled a lot yesterday morning & wasn't sure that I could pick myself back up again, but I took the time to complete some simple tasks, nurtured myself spiritually, & then completed this project by the end of the day, filled with happiness & peace. The end of February & the start of March have been a trial, but I am trying my best to continue on & see the joy that surrounds me. I will be happy. I choose to be happy, pushing myself, sometimes while crying & fighting, until I get past that cloudy abyss & feel the light in my life again.  I will continue to do so each & every day. 

"good morning Ruby."

playing the piano in skivvies & singing the ABCs.

learning the importance of hard work.

time out. 

suffering. feeling like I might just disappear.

but pushing through:

feeding this perfect babe - & let me tell you, getting this picture was not an easy task, but I was determined, & when I'm determined, watch out :).

dinner at Jalisco - delicious.

trip to the mail.

asleep in the car - look at all that hair she's getting! I love that she is curled forward with fisted hands, so much like a newborn. love this babe.

Continue the 10 on 10 circle by visiting Jen at Jennifer Kruk Photography.

Friday, March 9, 2012

fifty two on fridays | week ten - fragile

"Babies are soft. Anyone looking at them can see the tender, fragile skin and know it for the rose-leaf softness that invites a finger's touch. But when you live with them and love them, you feel the softness going inward, the round-cheeked flesh wobbly as custard, the boneless splay of the tiny hands. Their joints are melted rubber, and even when you kiss them hard, in the passion of loving their existence, your lips sink down and seem never to find bone. Holding them against you, they melt and mold, as though they might at any moment flow back into your body."
- Diana Gabaldon, Dragonfly in Amber


Life is beautiful. Children are beautiful. Sweet Ruby melts my heart with her perfect innocence, an innocence I hope lasts for a long time. Before I am ready, this precious child will be in a world that will try to claim her for its own. But she is mine. I see & feel her fragility . . . & her strength. She is a miracle. An angel sent down to bless my life. I pray I can love her & teach her as she deserves. . . & deserve to be loved by her in return. Life is fragile. I try to remember this & enjoy each gifted moment with this sweet child of mine. 

Continue the fifty two on Fridays circle by visiting Lisa.

Friday, March 2, 2012

52 on Fridays | 9 - Out of Focus

"I have known much of happiness, oh, so very much. The root of it all, I believe, was planted in my childhood and nurtured in the home." 
- Gordon B. Hinckley


There's nothing like the joy & peace that come from seeing my child happy & enjoying life. Yesterday, I couldn't help laughing when I saw William coming down the stairs wearing his long sleeve shirt, skivvies & firefighter helmet & rain boots. He was perfect & so much the little boy who I love & adore.

I had many different ideas for what I wanted to try for this week's theme, but after getting this spur of the moment picture of Will in all his childhood glory, I was more than happy with the results. I love that it has a watercolor quality to it, adding to the child-like & innocent feel of the photograph. This is a new favorite for me.

When you finish here, continue the 52 on Fridays circle by visiting Jodie. I always love her images!